jigokufever | June 2022 Test Drive

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June 2022 Test Drive

1. CLEAN UP

The curse has broken, finally banishing the oppressive air around the city and the many sightless eyes of the accursed haniwa. Life will have to return to normal now but first there is lingering clean-up that must be attended to:

SHUTEN CLAN

The Shuten Clan is out in force to rebuild damaged storefronts. Eager oni appear in their festival happi, singing oni working tunes. You can pick up the words easily enough, join in and help out. The mood starts bright, but after a number of unlucky accidents there is less singing and more grumbling. The cursed energy left behind has made all of you much more prone to workplace accidents but the storefronts need to be scrubbed, broken glass needs sweeping, new furniture needs construction. There are any number of thumbs smashed by hammers, hands cut on saws, heads hit with falling debris or that board of wood you didn’t see someone carrying towards you. It’s a cursed day to be out on the job.

Rewards will come in the form of free drinks for a week from specific bars and a generous amount of chips for the casinos. If you aren’t of age to drink or gamble? Well… they’ll look the other way this time. Have fun.

It should be noted that the uniform -- a happi, a hachimaki, and fundoshi -- is required. The Shuten Clan is very traditional, after all.

TAMAMO CLAN

The bathhouses in Tamamo clan territory remain full of bloodied water. They need to be drained and scrubbed to make them new again. However, reaching the drains is a tricky business. You can’t simply reach in to pull out the plug, you will have to wade into the water to twist it free. Easy enough, right?

Unfortunately, residual curse energy has made this a very dangerous task. Phantasmal hands will reach out and try to drag you under as you get too close to the drain. The phantasms can be distracted, so you’ll need some teamwork to succeed. Your reward is a significant amount of free bath coupons. Some of the advertised baths even have “special” properties. Take the chance to relax, you probably need it.

Those that are rejuvenated in the newly purified baths will find themselves with seemingly limitless vigor. That vigor may sometimes manifest in the form of desperately needing to fuck the first thing willing to do so. Which might turn out somewhat embarrassing...

SUTOKU CLAN

The residual cursed energy in the Sutoku Alliance territory has congregated in their many arcades. The prizes in the UFO catcher machines seem off and they keep shifting around. If you happen to win a prize, the prize slot snaps shut on your hand with amazing force: the machine out for blood. To clear the curse, the prizes need to be removed from the machines and purified with the help of a local shrine maiden. Unfortunately, the key ring to open the machines has been stolen by some of the unruly prizes. You will need to use your UFO catcher skills to fish it back out.

Try not to lose any fingers.

Other machines are shooting tokens out of their coin slots at astonishingly painful speeds. A strange phenomenon, as even the machines that take swipe cards are doing it. Where are those tokens even coming from? You will have to get the machines open and give them a deep cleaning to get all the residual blood off the coins and mechanisms. You need the same keys that are stuck inside the UFO catcher…. Better hope you can fish out the one you need.

For your troubles, you will be given unlimited free plays for a month. Perfect for winning a totally-not-cursed prize for your sweetie.

ENMA DEPARTMENT

It’s the Department of the Enma’s turn to go begging for good will. They are considered to be mostly responsible for the way the cursed haniwa were handled in the first place. Enma souls should get out on the streets and see what the people need: Food, clean water, housing repairs and maintenance, as well as exorcisms. They’re all high on people’s priority lists and most people want it done pronto. Try not to get snappy with the angry people, the department’s reputation is on the line.

The Enma is slated to give a press conference at some point. It's up to the rest of the Department to assure that there will be reception to his words. They are likely to be of grave importance to the rest of the city.

A hard day’s work is its own reward, but you’ll also get a day pass to a theme park on the edge of the city – in the name of community outreach, of course.

2. GHOST SHARKS

The very streets themselves are treacherous with residual curses. The isonades may have been intimidated out of town for the moment but the anger of their ancestors lingers in the bloody puddles that still glisten in the streets. Come too close to these puddles and spectral sharks will lunge from beneath the surface: Blood for blood! Lives for lives!

While spectral in nature, the teeth on these sharks can still do real harm to anyone they lash out at. They don’t seem to take damage in kind, but will pop and disperse for a moment when struck. The ghostly sharks are being populated by a magic totem that has been partially buried in the dirt of a local park. Destroy it and the sharks will disappear.

Unfortunately, a pack of snotty local children have taken a shine to this magic totem. They are not keen to let you take it from them, nor break it. It’s theirs. It’s special. If you’re feeling brutish or cruel, you can fight the children or deceive them, but your boss would probably suggest you try to bargain with them for appearance’s sake. They’re entirely unreasonable though, as children can be, and it will be quite a chore to get them to agree to your terms.

3. CURSED CORNERS

There are certain corners and alleyways which are simply predisposed to gather cursed energy. These areas are still haunted enough to affect the reality around you. You may experience hallucinations or visions of lost loved ones, past regrets, personal failings. These visions are played out in the area for all to see. You will remain frozen in place until your moment is done, or someone brave comes to pull you out.

Now that the worst of it is over, some of the more morbid and voyeuristic members of the public may be lurking around these haunted areas, waiting to see what horrors will be unveiled. They have out their phones and their cameras to record the show.

The cruelest of the spectators provide commentary to their social media followings as they observe. Anything for that monetization!

The biggest of the streams is a kerakera onna who goes by her channel name: Lipsticki. She leans in over the rooftops to cackle loudly at people’s misfortunes and give petty, scathing commentary about their misdeeds and failings.

4. THE ENMA SPEAKS (PLOT RELEVANT)

Outside the hospital where the Enma was being treated, there is a huge press gathering. The judge arbiter has been deemed fit enough to release. Hungry for word, journalists from every publication swarm the area. Most press-outlets in the city are controlled by the Sutoku Alliance, who have a vested interested in interrogating the Enma.

A number of other onlookers have tacked on as well, including Lost Souls both old and new. Lost Souls may even find themselves ordered to attend the statement by their faction.

It is assumed that the Enma must have something of grave importance to say, after all.

The Enma approaches the podium. He is dressed in his usual suit, his crown, and his stern expression; it puts a hush over the crowd through its tremendous pressure alone. No questions have been asked, yet, but a statement has been prepared. He clears his throat:

"The cause of the curse, the enemy of Jigokucho, is... Haniyasu. The Department's focus will be shifting to determining our next action in regards to this entity. That is all."

Just like, the Enma's secretary and a retinue of armored shinigami move to flank the Enma and guide them to a waiting limo down the steps. The press yells their questions over one another, but are pushed back. The Enma doesn't even seem to perceive them, simply focusing on getting into the car.

Unfortunately, if you're a representative for one of the factions -- especially the Department of the Enma -- that makes you fair game to hound for questioning too. Do you stand your ground or try to run away?

[[banner art by s-tokimura]]

Welcome to the test drive meme!

Threads here can be considered game canon.
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NEWBIE TOP LEVELS

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Oh-kaaay! Let's just... excuse us, kids, I'll. Talk to her.

[ And there was Ursula pulling at her companion's sleeve rather urgently to get her to step aside for a moment. Threatening to beat up kids, even youkai kids, was probably going to not go over well with any patrolling Enma officers who could hear all that, she had to imagine. ]

Fighting the children, are you crazy?! [ Ursula whispered, harshly. ] Let's just... cool our heads a bit and think about this! We're educators, right? We should be able to handle this!

Hey--!

[Despite wanting to absolutely fight these kids, cooler heads had to prevail. Although, that doesn't stop her from puffing out her cheeks and crossing her arms once pulled away from the situation by Ursula for her own good. The enma absolutely wouldn't take too kindly to beating up some children, as well as her own boss.]

Listen, it wouldn't be the first time I fought some damn kids. But, I will admit that you're right.

[She looks back at the children first, who are protectively crowding around the totem. They look scared after Marie's threat, rightfully so, but she pulls her gaze away to look back at Ursula.]

I'm not too good at bargaining, but I have to admit, I didn't really try to hard. I didn't have any incentives on me when I tried.

They're interested in it because it's "cool", so we just have to distract them with something that's more "cool", right?

[ Easy enough to say, but... She looked around the neon-lit streets, mindful of any potential puddles that might summon the totem's signature spectral sharks, and realized they might be... ]

I have no idea what's cool to kids these days...

[ Especially not in Japan. ]

Right. But it might be hard to impress demon children, considering what they are.

[A simple magic trick wouldn't do, either. She's really not good at this, and the only thing that springs to mind?]

I can think of a few things, but one of them involves us fighting. The other... Well. We can always bring them to the puddle, show 'em one of the sharks. But you saw earlier that the sharks are malevolent and they might bite off one of their heads.

[It's said fairly teasing. Fairly.]

Please don't mention starting a duel so casually.

[ Ursula's voice was practically shaking. She's already so stressed out, ma'am, please don't make it worse. ]

I was actually thinking maybe... bribing with a toy? I'm no performer as it is [ a lie ] but even if I was, my magic's so muted it'd barely impress anyone.

What's the matter? A little friendly duel would be very entertaining to the children.

[Marie can't help but tease even further, but she doesn't want to give her companion too much of a heart attack.]

I'm only kidding, Dear. A toy is a good idea, so let's try traversing the shops to see if we can find anything good. There should be something that can tempt them away from a stupid totem.

[She smiles at Ursula, her hand extending out to her.]

C'mon.

[ She... passes on the hand, for a moment, though Marie's charisma certainly had its impact on Ursula... not that it helped her relax, any, it just made her a different kind of anxious. She wasn't sure if it was an improvement or not. ]

R-right, there's a discount store nearby. "Don Quixote" is a silly name, but I'm told they've got basically anything you could want there.

[ And an incessantly catching jingle. ]

Righto. Let's check there, then, and see what we can find.

[She doesn't mind that her hand isn't taken, and instead tucks her hands into her pockets so she can walk toward the adjacent alleyway that led to a few stores. Still being fairly new here, she wanders forward, eyes darting back and forth to check the signs for the mentioned discount store.]

If we're lucky, we can find a similar totem that's just as shiny, and hopefully does nothing.

[After a few more steps, her eyes beam as she finds this "Don Quixote" store. Marie waiting for her companion first, stepping to the side with the door slide open for her.]

After you.

[ They didn't have to look very hard. The jingle could be heard just slightly down the block, and what's more, the store seemed to take up almost half the block all on its own. But once Marie had the door open, a new wash of anxious energy flowed over Ursula, and she could feel dread well up in her chest.

Why... was it so cramped in there?! ]

I... h-have no idea where to even start.

[ Did this place have sections? Departments? The aisles only seemed to be labeled by what brands were being sold... ]

[This is the first time she's ever been in one of the stores before, and quite honestly, when she feels herself being pushed against another body... Well. Let's just say she doesn't do well with people up in her space. Both hands already resting against someone's shoulder, before she shoves them away from her.]

Don't get so damn close to me! And hey! Don't get so damn close to her either!

[She grabs the adjacent person near Ursula, and pulls them away from her so that she can have some space to breathe.]

Honestly, let's just find an opening and start from there.

[After a few more steps, and people forcibly moved out of the way for her, she manages to find an opening for her and Ursula to move through. Marie taking a big step forward, and getting out of the crowd. She glances up to the sign, and sighs in relief to see that they managed to get lucky.

Their first stop? A toy store. A very big one for that matter. She doesn't even know where to start with this, either.]

Well, we got pretty lucky but... I guess we'll just traverse the aisles. ... All 50 of em. Or more.

We still need to narrow down what kids, youkai kids even, would find cool... The only real clue we have right now is that sharks are cool.

[ So maybe some kind of shark toy? But it couldn't just be a simple plastic animal toy, or even a stuffed plushie. It had to be something elaborate, something eye-catching...

Which inevitably meant something expensive, which Ursula was dreading. ]

And... thank you for dealing with the crowd. By the way.

Even if these kids are youkai, they're still kids. It just has to be shiny, and maybe possessed.

[A shark toy would be a good idea. Now, trying to find that specific type of toy in this large toy store... Well. They'll most likely have to split up at this point. And who knows if they'll find what they're looking for.]

No worries. Let's just find that toy and get out of here.

[A pause.]

Should we split up to cover more ground? It's gonna be hell to find one specific shark toy that glows, and hopefully, even talks to them. That should get their attention. ... I think. It worked on my own kiddos.

[ Ursula had been about to consider the idea, thinking it was pretty sound even if she dreaded getting caught in a crowded aisle again, but at time she saw... it. And all other thought on the approach crashed to a halt.

It was big. It was dye-cast. It was a pirate. It was a shark. It was a big, dye-cast, pirate shark robot.

Ursula reached to tug at her partner's sleeve, just... pointing at the thing, as if it were some ancient idol of glittering gold. ]

[See, Marie had been looking in the other direction in an attempt to search for something to catch the attention of the children. So, when her sleeve is tugged, she turns her gaze toward Ursula first. Her eyebrow cocked in confusion, before her eyes follow where she was pointing at.

Her eyes turn wide, sparkling even. It was just what they needed, and Marie begins to walk toward shark robot.]

Nice job, dear. With this, we can hopefully --

[Her eyes finally meet that price tag, though, and she pauses. Looks at her wallet, and then at Ursula. Then back at the price tag. ... How many zeros was that?]

... Hey uh. What's your financial situation here? Maybe we can combine our money and see if we can get it legally.

[If they didn't have enough, it's not as if she couldn't steal it. Maybe. It was pretty big, so sneaking it out wouldn't be easy.]

[ Of course. There was always another side to the coin, and her horrid luck would manifest in some other, unfortunate way.

That price would clear her out. All the way out. The stipend they were given wouldn't cover it and allow her to eat, too. ]

M-maybe... half and half?

[ Assuming Marie hadn't splurged away her money already... ]

Let's just split it in half and cry about it later at a bar or something. ... You know, if we can even afford the bar afterward.

[With that said, Marie reaches for the very large, robot shark and lifts it over her shoulder.]

Let's get this thing to the register and get out of here already.

[She eyes the register adjacent to them, and sets down the toy for the attendant to scan.

Needless to say, she can feel the outright pain of the price tag, and the sound of her money hitting the register in front of her.]

Ugh, my old heart...

I don't think I'm going to be able to afford the amount of wine I'll need for this...

[ But down went her share of the cost. The change they got was a pittance, barely enough to pay for a cab later. At least she'd hopefully still have enough to eat off of, if she pinched it. ]

Still, we've got the toy, which should get us the idol, which we can destroy, and stop the shark attacks...

Hopefully.

[ Hopefully. ]

Probably not. The only thing we'll be able to afford at this rate is a pack of ramen to eat.

[She just. Ignores the lack of change back, and puts it in her pocket for now. They can cry about it later, and for now, she grabs the ridiculously large toy in her arm. She hefts it over her shoulder, and eyes her companion.]

I don't know... I have a feeling it ain't gonna be that easy, but it doesn't hurt to try.

[With that she takes a step back into the corridor where the crowd hasn't subsided in the least. However, with the toy in hand, they clear a path for Marie and Ursula to walk through. Marie happily taking the path out of the crowd, and back into the entrance of the alleyway.]

Alright, let's see if we can convince these kids...

[ The relief in Ursula was palpable when the crowd made way for Marie, though she still found herself pressing closer to the other woman as they went along, her nerves well put on edge by both the store and really the whole situation in general.

Thankfully, she was able to swallow all that down for the moment. They had kids to try to impress. Once back at the park, Ursula took point, clearing her throat and calling out. ]

As a peace gift, in exchange for that think you've got there, we've brought something we think you'll like even more~!

[The children, who are still hovering over their shiny totem, slowly turn their head toward the two. Their eyes landing on that giant mecha, and almost immediately running toward Marie. The woman lifting it up, and keeping it from their grasp for now. If only so they can do a proper exchange.]

That's right, kiddos! The toy for the totem!

[They stop crowding around Marie almost immediately, pulling back to run back to the totem etched in the ground.

One of them grabs it, and runs to Ursula now, offering it to her. While the others crowd around Marie again, who caught a glimpse of the trade. Finally setting down the toy, and letting them grab it to haul it away to the nearby sandbox.]

Phew! Only took most of our money to get this stupid totem. Now let's see if we can actually break the damn thing.

[ Ursula let out a heavy sigh of relief now that the totem was actually in their hands. But she knew there was still another step ahead of them, just as Marie said. And unfortunately she... didn't have a lot to offer there. ]

I don't have any magic strong enough right now to shatter it. We'd need something particularly strong, right?

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June 2022 Test Drive

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