jigokufever | June 2022 Test Drive

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June 2022 Test Drive

1. CLEAN UP

The curse has broken, finally banishing the oppressive air around the city and the many sightless eyes of the accursed haniwa. Life will have to return to normal now but first there is lingering clean-up that must be attended to:

SHUTEN CLAN

The Shuten Clan is out in force to rebuild damaged storefronts. Eager oni appear in their festival happi, singing oni working tunes. You can pick up the words easily enough, join in and help out. The mood starts bright, but after a number of unlucky accidents there is less singing and more grumbling. The cursed energy left behind has made all of you much more prone to workplace accidents but the storefronts need to be scrubbed, broken glass needs sweeping, new furniture needs construction. There are any number of thumbs smashed by hammers, hands cut on saws, heads hit with falling debris or that board of wood you didn’t see someone carrying towards you. It’s a cursed day to be out on the job.

Rewards will come in the form of free drinks for a week from specific bars and a generous amount of chips for the casinos. If you aren’t of age to drink or gamble? Well… they’ll look the other way this time. Have fun.

It should be noted that the uniform -- a happi, a hachimaki, and fundoshi -- is required. The Shuten Clan is very traditional, after all.

TAMAMO CLAN

The bathhouses in Tamamo clan territory remain full of bloodied water. They need to be drained and scrubbed to make them new again. However, reaching the drains is a tricky business. You can’t simply reach in to pull out the plug, you will have to wade into the water to twist it free. Easy enough, right?

Unfortunately, residual curse energy has made this a very dangerous task. Phantasmal hands will reach out and try to drag you under as you get too close to the drain. The phantasms can be distracted, so you’ll need some teamwork to succeed. Your reward is a significant amount of free bath coupons. Some of the advertised baths even have “special” properties. Take the chance to relax, you probably need it.

Those that are rejuvenated in the newly purified baths will find themselves with seemingly limitless vigor. That vigor may sometimes manifest in the form of desperately needing to fuck the first thing willing to do so. Which might turn out somewhat embarrassing...

SUTOKU CLAN

The residual cursed energy in the Sutoku Alliance territory has congregated in their many arcades. The prizes in the UFO catcher machines seem off and they keep shifting around. If you happen to win a prize, the prize slot snaps shut on your hand with amazing force: the machine out for blood. To clear the curse, the prizes need to be removed from the machines and purified with the help of a local shrine maiden. Unfortunately, the key ring to open the machines has been stolen by some of the unruly prizes. You will need to use your UFO catcher skills to fish it back out.

Try not to lose any fingers.

Other machines are shooting tokens out of their coin slots at astonishingly painful speeds. A strange phenomenon, as even the machines that take swipe cards are doing it. Where are those tokens even coming from? You will have to get the machines open and give them a deep cleaning to get all the residual blood off the coins and mechanisms. You need the same keys that are stuck inside the UFO catcher…. Better hope you can fish out the one you need.

For your troubles, you will be given unlimited free plays for a month. Perfect for winning a totally-not-cursed prize for your sweetie.

ENMA DEPARTMENT

It’s the Department of the Enma’s turn to go begging for good will. They are considered to be mostly responsible for the way the cursed haniwa were handled in the first place. Enma souls should get out on the streets and see what the people need: Food, clean water, housing repairs and maintenance, as well as exorcisms. They’re all high on people’s priority lists and most people want it done pronto. Try not to get snappy with the angry people, the department’s reputation is on the line.

The Enma is slated to give a press conference at some point. It's up to the rest of the Department to assure that there will be reception to his words. They are likely to be of grave importance to the rest of the city.

A hard day’s work is its own reward, but you’ll also get a day pass to a theme park on the edge of the city – in the name of community outreach, of course.

2. GHOST SHARKS

The very streets themselves are treacherous with residual curses. The isonades may have been intimidated out of town for the moment but the anger of their ancestors lingers in the bloody puddles that still glisten in the streets. Come too close to these puddles and spectral sharks will lunge from beneath the surface: Blood for blood! Lives for lives!

While spectral in nature, the teeth on these sharks can still do real harm to anyone they lash out at. They don’t seem to take damage in kind, but will pop and disperse for a moment when struck. The ghostly sharks are being populated by a magic totem that has been partially buried in the dirt of a local park. Destroy it and the sharks will disappear.

Unfortunately, a pack of snotty local children have taken a shine to this magic totem. They are not keen to let you take it from them, nor break it. It’s theirs. It’s special. If you’re feeling brutish or cruel, you can fight the children or deceive them, but your boss would probably suggest you try to bargain with them for appearance’s sake. They’re entirely unreasonable though, as children can be, and it will be quite a chore to get them to agree to your terms.

3. CURSED CORNERS

There are certain corners and alleyways which are simply predisposed to gather cursed energy. These areas are still haunted enough to affect the reality around you. You may experience hallucinations or visions of lost loved ones, past regrets, personal failings. These visions are played out in the area for all to see. You will remain frozen in place until your moment is done, or someone brave comes to pull you out.

Now that the worst of it is over, some of the more morbid and voyeuristic members of the public may be lurking around these haunted areas, waiting to see what horrors will be unveiled. They have out their phones and their cameras to record the show.

The cruelest of the spectators provide commentary to their social media followings as they observe. Anything for that monetization!

The biggest of the streams is a kerakera onna who goes by her channel name: Lipsticki. She leans in over the rooftops to cackle loudly at people’s misfortunes and give petty, scathing commentary about their misdeeds and failings.

4. THE ENMA SPEAKS (PLOT RELEVANT)

Outside the hospital where the Enma was being treated, there is a huge press gathering. The judge arbiter has been deemed fit enough to release. Hungry for word, journalists from every publication swarm the area. Most press-outlets in the city are controlled by the Sutoku Alliance, who have a vested interested in interrogating the Enma.

A number of other onlookers have tacked on as well, including Lost Souls both old and new. Lost Souls may even find themselves ordered to attend the statement by their faction.

It is assumed that the Enma must have something of grave importance to say, after all.

The Enma approaches the podium. He is dressed in his usual suit, his crown, and his stern expression; it puts a hush over the crowd through its tremendous pressure alone. No questions have been asked, yet, but a statement has been prepared. He clears his throat:

"The cause of the curse, the enemy of Jigokucho, is... Haniyasu. The Department's focus will be shifting to determining our next action in regards to this entity. That is all."

Just like, the Enma's secretary and a retinue of armored shinigami move to flank the Enma and guide them to a waiting limo down the steps. The press yells their questions over one another, but are pushed back. The Enma doesn't even seem to perceive them, simply focusing on getting into the car.

Unfortunately, if you're a representative for one of the factions -- especially the Department of the Enma -- that makes you fair game to hound for questioning too. Do you stand your ground or try to run away?

[[banner art by s-tokimura]]

Welcome to the test drive meme!

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NEWBIE TOP LEVELS

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah, well. I'm not exactly supposed to be getting in fistfights just yet. Even outside of other reasons why it wouldn't be a good idea.

[ Which was, admittedly, the truth - Cloud's cleared to walk around town, he's -not- cleared to get into fistfights. Even if, admittedly, he would deeply like to punch some of the reporters. ]

I'll keep it in mind, next time I do anything reckless enough to get me that sort of attention. [ He folds his arms... why is something about this guy's face so- familiar? He's having the oddest deja vu. ]

You're new here, right?

Hoohh...?

[Eiichi's piercing gaze and scowl certainly made it seem like he didn't believe Cloud's excuse at all. Though if he didn't, he didn't say anything about it. Instead, he busied himself with plucking a pair of black gloves out of his pocket, and sliding them on each hand.]

Ah... I am. Regrettably, since I'd rather be anywhere else other than this disgusting city.

[He states as such with affected boredom. No recklessness, no attention, no fistfighting... Eiichi seems to completely ignore the topic of his arrival, instead grabbing Cloud's arm so it was out of the way again, and unceremoniously jabbing him in the ribs that he was pretty sure were broken. All without a hint of emotion on his face.]

It's seen better-

[ Cloud is never going to finish that sentence. The reaction is instantaneous to the jab - a grunt of pain and a full-body shudder that causes his knees to buckle. ]

[ Eiichi's assessment is mostly correct - not broken, but certainly cracked and had to be set after some sort of accident. The rest of his body - it shows the sensitivity of burns without actually being burned, strangely enough. Like a flame raced through his body but left his skin intact. Cloud's already not-quite-healthy physique (muscular, but skinny. Too skinny, perhaps) certainly doesn't help matters. ]

What- the hell-!? [ Cloud's spitting the words out, the wind suddenly knocked out of him. ]

Your knees gave out just from that...? [He looks quite unamused, as if Cloud had somehow failed test. Still, Eiichi's at least nice enough to keep his grip on Cloud's arm when he buckles, offering a bit of support so he can regain his footing. And then eagerly lets go of Cloud again like he picked up something out of the trash.]

I assumed your ribs were at least bruised, but I didn't think you'd almost collapse... [Not sure that's the proper way to exam for bruised ribs, but Eiichi has little time and less patience.]

Someone like you should be on bed rest or in the hospital. You look like you'll fall over if a reporter so much as spits at you.

You're - a doctor?

[ He's going to explain himself through gritted teeth, pushing himself to his feet. At least he recovers quickly...? ]

I just got released the other day - I can walk under my own power- [ When he's not, you know, getting his breath knocked out of him by a rogue doctor. ]

Just- just who are you? [ Bro what the fuck. ]

Not quite yet. [Though he sure is going to act like he is anyway. To be fair, he's studied... way too much, even for his chosen field.]

Eiichi Segawa. First in the Department of Medicine at the Imperial University. [Though he says it pretty casually, tucking his hand in his pocket and tilting his head as though all he'd watched was a rabbit hurrying to cross the street. Given the whole 'being in Hell' situation, he doesn't really expect that to mean anything, at least.]

Usually being pushed over by a slight breeze would preclude releasing someone. I didn't even hit you that hard.

[Seriously cloud you're being owned by a twink.]

[ THIS IS UNFORTUNATELY NOT THE FIRST OR THE LAST TIME A TWINK WILL BE DESTROYING CLOUD STRIFE ]

J-jackass. [ He calls them like he sees them. He manages to stand up pretty straight after a moment, finally. ] Guess you're a pretty big deal, back home.

I heal quicker than most - but that doesn't mean a guy punching me in the gut unprompted won't wind me. What the hell did you do that for, anyway?

[This won't even be the last time Eiichi will be destroying Cloud Strife, if he has anything to say about it.]

Not really. [Seriously Cloud he was just a student.] But that just makes it more pathetic how obvious it was. [And he's not even entertained by that fact!! This sucks.]

I wanted to see if you really were as injured as I thought, and you strike me as the sort that wouldn't just tell me if I asked. [Also he didn't wanna ask anyway.] You obviously have bruises healing, and despite your muscle you couldn't even deal with a few reporters... Your situation must be even more pitiful than I realized if you thought that was a punch.

'Pitiful'? [ He grits his teeth. ] What the hell's your damage?

[ He's pushing himself back to composure, mostly out of spite. ] Seriously, first you bail me out and then you're poking at me and giving me a lecture?

[ ...That said, he's realizing - this guy doesn't have the whole picture. ] The injuries aren't - they aren't normal. I can move fine, but they get agitated by too much stress. That's why I wasn't going to exactly mess with those reporters.

'Damage'? I'm just telling the truth.

[Obviously this guy was just too sensitive, and everything he's said has been perfectly sound!

He doesn't know how 'abnormal' such injuries could be, but he still quirks an eyebrow, his expression less... distantly amused? and slightly more serious.] Injuries that get agitated by stress are inevitably easy to agitate. Particularly in a city that's enjoying a media frenzy. You should be more cautious of taking care of yourself if someone like me can push you around.

Yeah, yeah, I'll keep that in mind next time, "Dr. Segawa". [ He huffs. ]

Needed to see what we're up against. If we're all stuck here, and someone is making a mess of things, I'd like to know who's the one we have to deal with.

[ He snorts, looking away. ] Shouldn't have bothered. I've seen cats deliver better addresses.

At least don't go out alone, if you're so vulnerable to a stiff breeze. I'm sure a guy like you must have plenty of friends he can call on.

[Impressive how he can say something that should be a compliment in a way that makes it sound like 'fuck you.' Though he does genuinely want him to not go around alone if he's going to be stupid and not in bed.]

Ah, you mean those two seconds about Haniyasu? It would take longer for a cat to throw up a hairball. [Honestly even if he knew what was going on in Hell he still wouldn't care.] You would've been better off watching from a hospital window.

You greatly overestimate how popular a guy like me could be, Doctor.

[ He... does have people he can rely on, but he's not going to admit it because that would be giving Eiichi here an actual point against him. So instead he will, in fact, self-own out of spite. ]

Yeah, Haniyasu. Leave it to the Enma to give us a single crumb of knowledge about what's going on. [ He snorts, his head looking off to the side. ]

Glad I wasn't with Minato and the rest of the team going up. I'd be pissed.

You can go admitting you're a loser to strangers, too, if you really want.

[He does not believe him in the slightest, but if Cloud's willing to self-own himself, then Eiichi is willing make fun of him for it.

Though for the second time during the conversation (he still took his medical duties very seriously, thank you), the sense of condescension leaves his expression, and for a second he looks dully surprised.] Minato?

[It was a pretty common name, but for a moment it brings back memories of his... well, he hopes, his friend. But he's quick to move past it.]

Ironic he talked about Hainyasu, for how shit his speech was. [Hehehe.] He is the King of Hell, so I suppose it's only natural in the modern era he's a useless political mouthpiece.

Thanks. I'm learning to be open about it. [ He -does- snort at Eiichi's comment about it being shit. Because he's right. It was shit. ]

At the least, he could stand to let us know a little more about what's going on, versus 'not at all'. It's not like we saved his ass or anything.

[ He folds his arms. ] Yeah. Minato. He's been here a couple months. Was part of the group storming the tower, apparently pretty good with a sword, as it turns out. Straight black hair. Not very expressive in the face. Always wearing those... sandals. I don't know what they call them. [ He knows they're supposed to have a name. ]

Why, that someone you know?

He's a political leader, isn't he? [Eiichi would certainly be surprised if someone called the Enma wasn't, at least.] You can't expect someone like that to tell you what you need to know.

[But... black hair, barely expressive, walking around in sandals when they were in the middle of the city... Though he didn't know about the sword thing.]

They're called 'geta.' [He sighs.] 'Minato' isn't exactly an uncommon name where I'm from. There was one I knew back home... he wasn't exactly a warrior, though. More like a buddhist monk.

[He was strong and graceful, certainly, but he'd never seen Minakami run around with a sword.]

Yeah, you're right about that. [ Enma might not be the level of corrupt he's used to dealing with, back home, but he still didn't want people to know the full scope of what they were dealing with if they could help it. Not that Cloud was going to stop sniffing around. ]

Geta, right, those. I've never seen him out of them. [ He doesn't get it, but he supposes it's comfy for Minato, at least. ]

A monk, huh? Well, I could see that with this Minato, maybe... but I guess he doesn't match up with what you were expecting, otherwise, huh. [ He's quick to abandon the thought. ] It's not uncommon for people to show up here when they've already got friends who got pulled here, I've noticed. [ After all, Aerith had already been here for a month or two before he showed up. ] But it's probably just a coincidence. Like you said, common name.

Is that so...? [A monk-like personality, inexpressive, wearing geta all the time despite how impractical it was... Did he receive some kind of sword-training that he didn't know about? Did the Suizenjis still exercise their samurai roots more than he knew? Admittedly the mental image of Minakami with a warrior's demeanor and a sword in his hand... well, it wasn't all bad, or unnatural feeling. But if they were storming some kind of tower that necessitated such skills... what the hell had he gotten into?]

We're not friends. [He was thinking for a solid moment, one hand holding the end of his chin. But when he speaks again, his hand falls away again.] The Minato I know. The truth is he can't stand me, so I doubt karma would be so cruel as that.

[Weird thing to smile about, but that is sure what he's doing.]

[ Cloud catches the smile, an eyebrow slowly losing itself in his spiky bangs. It truly was something weird to smile about. ]

Kind of weird you think that's a good thing, isn't it?

[ He's going to fold his arms, looking at Eiichi again. Man, he sure is a weird sort of dude. ]

Most people wouldn't be that happy to have someone who can't stand them.

You think so...? It doesn't seem very strange to me.

[Hard to tell if he was actually genuine about the question, but he smiles like he held the answer to some sort of riddle he'd presented.]

It's simple. He can't stand being around me, but I'm fond of him. My presence would only cause him more trouble, though it's no fault of his own.

[Yeah that's weird.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

June 2022 Test Drive

wow!!!!!

i come to you now in a post-speed boost golbat

but do you have a chesto berry

[roommates voice] oh my god it had a chesto berry

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