AUGUST 2022 TEST DRIVE

[jigokumods]

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1. SHUTEN TERRITORY - Muscling In

art by tohdraws

In the aftermath of the curse crisis, the Shuten Clan forgave a bunch of protection payments in the region, and helped cover the costs for rebuilding. Unfortunately, some of the street gangs in the area are much less civically minded. They have used the Shuten's relaxed policies as an opportunity to turn their own screws on the local business owners. These unaffiliated youth gangs have been much rougher with the locals, and have been asking for even larger collection fees. This has pissed off the folks who are just trying to get their lives and businesses back on track!

Unfortunately, the opening of Sai no Kawara in the underground drew so much of the clan's focus and manpower, that the issues up top just slipped through the cracks. Until now! Toraguma is in a bad mood and is looking for people to take it out on: the youth gangs will do just fine.

Volunteers are being solicited to join the regular Shuten enforcers in driving these interlopers out of Shuten territory. The gangs are wise to the usual Shuten tactics, though, and they're prepared for a fight. They are also appealing to the influx of Lost Souls: they act as though they're the victims of the factions' power struggles! They propose that taking up arms against the Shuten Clan will win them favor with the other groups in the city. (It will look less good with the Shuten Clan, should you be assigned to them.)

Fight with the Shutens, or with the gangs. Either way, a fight is coming.

2. TAMAMO TERRITORY - Throat Goat (NSFW)

at by akai riot

This prompt is overtly sexual in nature. Please use the proper NSFW labelling in your top levels and threads.

While the Palace of Sai in the underground is doing well, that doesn't mean the other businesses in the Tamamo Clan's collection have been slacking. One of the least "classy" soaplands has decided they're going to hold a contest to drive up business for themselves! They are partnering with some of the other sex clubs in the area for the sleaziest of events.

The Hyottoko Cup is looking for volunteer participants! The competition is pretty straightforward: a ruler is drawn on the throat of each participant and an array of members is presented to swallow. Whichever contestant can take the guests deepest and longest will take home the "coveted" Hyottoko Cup! Ok, there's a little judge favoritism involved too, so put on a show.

The guests have likewise been pulled in as volunteers, with instructions that they don't have to make this easy on the participants. Guests are provided with special seals that they can use for the length of the competition to enhance their natural assets. For those lacking the equipment entirely, there's a seal for that too.

Have fun and play nice.

3. TAMAMO TERRITORY - Strike a Poise (GEN)

Other businesses looking to jump start this month's earnings are also getting in on the spirit of competition! Businesses less oriented towards sexual service have come together as a means to draw in the high dollar clients, and one local club has proposed something old school.

Sign up for the Poise Contest, where contestants are placed into more and more ridiculous geta while tasked with serving drinks to the guest. Spills are expected, and the guests are cheerfully kitted out with cheap club-branded ponchos to protect their clothes. (Marketing, am I right?) While spills are expected, the contestant will lose points for each of the spilled drinks. Try to keep your balance as you attend to increasingly absurd drink orders. The intensity of the traditional footwear will only make your job that much harder.

Do you have what it takes to pour a champagne fountain while wearing teetering tengu geta? Prove your balance and dexterity is the best and the take home prize is some sweet cash. For Lost Souls freshly in the city, the chance to win some extra money can't really be passed up, huh…

4. SUTOKU TERRITORY - Jigokucho's Got Talent

Ever since Moonday's beloved singer – Ringo-chan – was kidnapped at the Tanabata festival, the band has had to cancel all of their scheduled gigs. Unfortunately, they were a hugely popular act, booked solid in most of the Sutoku Alliance's various nightclubs. This has left a ton of empty spots that need to be filled quickly, before the crowds get upset and demand… refunds.

That's where you come in, Lost Souls! Desperate promoters and talent bookers are literally grabbing Lost Souls off the street and begging, pleading, with them to perform a set for the night. They just need to have something to fill the space Moonday would have otherwise occupied. At least give the crowd something to see!

Acts do not need to be of the musical variety. Any performing talent is accepted, no matter how esoteric or bizarre! If it can fill out a 15-30 minute set, the club owners will be happy and the customers will at least see something interesting; even if it's a bad kind of interesting. So get on stage and show this city what you've got!

( Help us fill our time slots, please! We're desperate! 😩)

5. DEPARTMENT OF THE ENMA - Sticky Paws II: Outta the Bag

The Enma Department is busy: they have a kidnapping to investigate, a primordial god to pin down, and the crisis of their ever-shifting public image to manage. However, crime never sleeps and is always there to add to the troubled Department's workload. Worse still, we thought this little crime spree was over six months ago! But here it is again, much to the Enma's chagrin.

Cat cafés are a popular tourist attraction all across Jigokucho. About six months ago, a gang of bakeneko infiltrated several of the cafés to rob customers occupied with kitty bliss. Wallets, jewelry, and anything else those sticky paws could snatch away were being picked in droves. The cat capers are afoot once more!

Are you a hapless victim of these furry thieves, or are you helping the Department of the Enma track down these cat burglars? Unfortunately, the bakeneko are exceptionally clever and are using a seal to disguise their secondary tails. This makes them look just about like any normal cat. Better make sure your lead is good, or you'll be chasing down an ordinary Felis Catus. Soft to pet, but not going to return your pilfered cash.

Of course, the café staff might be in on this caper too… It's never easy to tell who's getting a cut of the profits. Be careful who you trust out there.

6. ALL OVER - The 100 Billion Yen Man (PLOT RELEVANT)

The local TV news has been announcing that Kaberou Kannazaki – the legendary finance wolf and the father of kidnapping victim, Ringo-chan – will be making an announcement this week. People have flocked to television sets throughout the city; at the squares, around TVs in bars, electronic stores, each other's phones, and any other venue with a connection. The kidnapping has been a highly public ordeal and the talk of the town. Many of the locals were present at the festival and witnessed the crime. They want to hear what the word is!

The public doesn't have to wait long. Wolf-eared Kaberou sits at a press desk, surrounded by microphones, and dazzled with flashbulbs. He clears his throat and, as he begins to speak, he is direct and to the point; not unlike a wolf lunging for the throat.

"As of today, I am issuing a bounty on the man known as the Iron Bear, who has claimed responsibility for the kidnapping of my daughter, Ringo Kannazaki. The payout to the party responsible for bringing me Iron Bear, dead or alive, is 100 Billion Yen. Individuals or groups, I don't care. Just bring my daughter back to me, and the money is yours."

Well! The Department of the Enma's hopes of an orderly investigation have been dashed, but this is certainly an opportunity for anyone brave enough – or, more accurately, stupid enough – to traverse the Wasteland. Maybe one of you out there will find the legendary Iron Bear and bring him to some form of justice.

Local businesses are quick to leap at this opportunity, too. They begin to aggressively push sponsorships at would-be bounty hunters. Weapons? Armor? Survival gear? All at discount prices! Each faction has their interest in collecting the massive bounty as well. They will all be putting a lot of pressure on recruits to get ready to head out to the Wastes.

If you just got here? Well, it would definitely be in your interest to start finding gear, and finding people willing to collect that bounty with you. It could mean a big step forward toward your eventual contract, after all.

Welcome to the test drive meme!

• First of all, big thanks to our discord chat for the "Throat Goat" prompt idea. Stay golden, gang.
• IF YOU'RE TOP-LEVELING A NEW CHARACTER, post it here!
• Characters already in the game can top level as well.
• Threads here can be considered game canon.
• Characters can be recruited to do work for any faction until they're given their official assignment.
• If you have any questions about the TDM content, please ask them here! You can find information on the story so far here!
• If you have questions about the game itself, please check out the premise, FAQ, and rules pages.
• Reserves are open until September 5th.

Comments

[dressedtothe]

[9S falters as he tries to reach for the appropriate words but finds none. Didn't humans have a word for this? He scans his memory data for something, and turns up--]

Well I. Uh. Wouldn't this be exhibitionism? That's what humans call it, right?

[He can't help but continue, in a rush.]

And what's the point of seeing how far someone can swallow male genitalia anyway?

[baeonetta]

Aren't you a clever little ducky. That's exactly what it's called.

[And they. Are called voyeurs for watching, though Bayonetta chooses not to say that so forthright. She may have to in the future, however, just to see his reaction. Although she factors away that he very specifically referred to humans much the way she would and has when it comes to various habits of them. Implying he's not human.

She supposes one cannot go off of looks alone. After all, to the bare minimum glance, she simply looks like a taller human, and there's no doubting that she is, in fact, quite tall.

When he continues, she wonders how to address it. Might as well not lie. He may come to regret asking, though.]

To my understanding, some men like that. I'm not a man, so I couldn't tell you the details. A deeper throat just means more coverage.

[dressedtothe]

[9S frowns a little at being called a ducky -- what is that? -- but he's sure he's being teased. And what does coverage have to do with anything?]

Well... they do have seals for that, don't they?

[Just because he's embarrassed (and morbidly curious) doesn't mean he didn't find out what was going on! What sort of scanner would he be if he didn't gather even the most basic of information!

He tries to keep his tone matter of fact, but he can't quite keep the hint of eagerness out of his voice.]

Couldn't you, you know, try one out?

[And tell him what it's like?

How do those seals even work, anyway? He didn't know biological lifeforms could modify themselves like that. Would one even work for him? Not that he wants to! Well he does, but... well it doesn't matter.]

[baeonetta]

I'm very happy not being one, actually.

[But the thought does make her laugh. She can't imagine a situation where she actually would do something like that. She's not going to say she's perfect, though she's also not going to start denying that she's built nicely. But if he wants the answers to those kinds of questions...]

If you're really curious, you could just as easily go down to one of the men and ask. I'm not curious enough to go doing that myself.

[After all, Bayonetta knows what she likes. And right now, she has a front row seat to the entertainment. There is also the very real possibility that were she to go down there for a closer look or to charmingly interrogate, she could potentially get pulled into it.]

[dressedtothe]

[Oh, 9S can certainly appreciate this stranger's looks. He does have eyes.

9S visibly balks at the suggestion.]

Nnnooo thank you. I'm good.

[Maybe if everyone wasn't hanging out for show, he'd ask. It's just way too weird to ask in front of an audience. What if he gets sucked into this competition? He would go for it, but only if it was with...

...Let's not think about that. Instead, let's think about everything he just said to a human. Ugh.]

So, what did you normally have for entertainment instead of... [Well. This.]

[baeonetta]

[Wearing an amused little smile, Bayonetta leaves her attention on him for some moments longer before it shifts back down to the contest and the various participants. She's not really committing it to memory. Who knows how many of these people she'll even cross paths with again. She never really has been the sort to form attachments to people.

Jeanne, she supposes, is an exception. A relatively obvious one when she's playing back just how they came to be acquainted.]

Angels, actually.

[She says it very casually, as if that makes nay kind of sense at all. But then Bayonetta failing to explain much of anything tends to be a running habit of hers. To her knowledge, at least so far, they don't seem to be here. Lifting a hand, she carefully fixes the way her glasses are sitting atop the bridge of her nose.]

Fun in a different sort of way.

[dressedtothe]

Angels?

[The word sounds familiar, albeit not one commonly used among androids. 9S scans his memory units. Ah. The winged creatures that supposedly served God? If God even exists.]

Do those really exist?

[He sounds skeptical, but judging by what she said, it seems they do.]

How do you have fun with something like that?

[baeonetta]

They do. Of a sort.

[Although she has to consider that what humanity thinks of as an 'angel' may not be the same thing as what she fights in Purgatorio.]

Let's just say that we're not on the same side.

[And that's where the fun comes in. If she didn't think it was going to frighten people, she'd show off her gunning skills. Not to mention that anything in this world just isn't as good as what Rodin could provide her.]

[dressedtothe]

[9S stares from behind his visor.]

Not on the same side?

[The sheer amount of data that existed on the machine network felt like it stretched beyond all imaginable existence. But he had been trapped there with nothing else to do besides examine it and he remembers all of it. All of the machine network's records of humanity, at his fingertips. Love. Family. Religion. War.]

So you're in conflict with them? That's strange. Don't humans worship God?

[Conflict over religious differences seemed common.]

[baeonetta]

[Humans worshipping god. Yes. Some do. Not all of them. Bayonetta's feelings on the matter? It's a little hard to worship God, any god, for that matter, when she's bound to Hell.]

It's a bit of a story.

[One that she doesn't intend to tell. Isn't that Luka's responsibility? The only thing she wants to do is continue forward. Figure out the rest of herself. Where she means to be. Who and what she means to be. She has the answers to her past, and the memories are slowly coming back, but...

Nothing is ever that easy. It's all a gradual process.]

Let's just say we don't see eye-to-eye.

[dressedtothe]

[It's annoying not getting the story immediately, but 9S is used to getting his enquiries walled. But he's determined to figure it out sooner or later. At least she's letting him natter away, rather than trying to discourage him entirely from asking.

How does someone not see eye to eye with God? 9S frowns, considering. He can feel the lack of having any kind of context pulling him all directions. So there's a small lilt of wheedling in his voice when he says--]

You won't tell me even a little bit of the story? We have pleny of time...

[On account of being dead. Ah, but he's forgotten something.]

Oh, right! I'm YoRHa Unit 9S.

[He salutes, albeit with his left hand and at chest height. There's a brief moment of hesitation -- the situation of now and what's back on Earth makes deciding what to do difficult -- before he continues with a little bit of forced pep.]

...If there's anything you need, I'm happy to help.

[baeonetta]

[Bayonetta looses a laugh, though it likely doesn’t last as long as it could. Such conversations don’t really suit her. But then for all the talking Bayonetta does, she find it usually correlates to work. Chit-chat, that’s another realm in its entirety and five hundred years of hibernation make that a difficult skill to pick right back up.

Assuming she was ever good at it to begin with. She’s beginning to suspect based on what she’s learned about herself thus far, that she may not have had much of that. Black sheep rarely do, after all.]

You can be patient and learn in time if I ever feel like sharing it.

[She does smile, however, and not one of her usual smirks, but something a little more sincere.]

YoRHa Unit 9S. Now, that’s not a very human name at all, is it? What could you be, I wonder.

[She’ll get to her own introduction in time. On her time, evidently.]

[dressedtothe]

[9S just barely manages to keep the pout from his face -- he doesn't like being patient -- and it takes everything he has to chase the dangling thread.]

I'm an android, ma'am. Us YoRHa are the latest top of the line models.

[Even if he's somewhat disillusioned over the situation when he was alive, 9S still can't help the hint of pride in what he says. But... he pauses for a moment. Humans were dead for such a long time, would she have any idea what he is?]

Er, that is, I'm a mechanical lifeform, created in the image of humans.