jigokufever | February 2022 Test Drive

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February 2022 Test Drive

1. ENTRY

It feels like a dream as you wake up in what appears to be a government office. It is remarkably mundane: white walls, small screens with the number that is being served and at what desk, chairs along the perimeter of the room, and pleasant music playing from unseen speakers. There's nothing out of the ordinary, right?

Then you take a look at the inhabitants in the office: Lost Souls and youkai alike make up the ranks of a never-ending line in front of a desk manned by an akaname in a suit. However, another youkai, a hyakume, is your first contact in this world. You're instructed to take a number and stand in the queue. Take a seat if you want– but you're reminded to be quick when your number is called or you'll be passed by.

Congratulations: you're in Hell.

If you're lucky, you're in line behind a fellow Lost Soul. If you're less lucky, you're stuck behind any number of youkai that may be disturbing to look at or ones that may actively try to harm you. The ones with long arms may even try to steal your ticket from further back in the line.

Make small talk, try not to freak out, and keep your ticket safe (or maybe try to steal a better one) as you make your way up in the line.

2. THE CITY

Once you've been processed through the line, you're given your assignment to one of the four possible clans with directions to their respective clan offices. The city itself looks remarkably similar to a modern Japanese city, complete with narrow alleyways connecting wider streets. Glaring neon signs advertising various businesses compete for your attention, even the most mundane businesses.

Once you tear your attention away from the myriad distractions, your task is to find your way to the office. The akaname didn't exactly give you clear directions, just a piece of paper with an address printed on it. You’re on your own to find your way there.

Those assigned to the Shuten Clan are directed to the gambling district.
The Tamamo Clan members are directed to the red light district.
New members of the Sutoku Alliance are pointed to the entertainment district.
Those assigned to The Department of the Enma are sent to the administrative district.
Ask your fellow Lost Souls for directions or stubbornly find your way to the office all on your own. No matter how you get there, once you've made your way to the office you're given your lodgings (for rookies, it’s always the cheapest inn or apartment block in the area) and told to go out and get a feel for the city.

3. STREET FIGHT - SHUTEN TERRITORY

Scuffles break out all the time in Jigokucho, especially in the district dominated by the Shuten Clan. Whether it's a rival clan posturing over someone being on the wrong turf, shakedowns of all sorts, or just someone with a chip on their shoulder picking a fight: it always draws a crowd of onlookers.

No matter what street you're going down or what you're on your way to do, there always seems to be a fight to block the way. Take a look, take bets, or maybe you're the one caught in the brawl. Maybe someone decided they didn't like the way you looked at them or maybe they're trying to catch you in a petty scam. You may also feel the need to step in when fights are looking particularly one-sided.

Get used to this happening.

4. STICKY PAWS - SUTOKU TERRITORY

One of the more adorable features in the city is a cat cafe. Located within Sutoku territory, it always draws a steady crowd. If you're lured in by the adorable cats in the window, you're welcomed into a pleasant, cat-friendly environment with cats of every shape, color, and size lounging on various surfaces while being doted on by patrons. Of course not everything is as it seems: these are no ordinary cats. They're bakeneko in disguise and this cafe is a clever way to spirit away a few more coins for the Sutoku Alliance's coffers.

You may notice your wallet is a few (thousand) bills lighter at some point during your visit or your wallet may be missing entirely. Maybe it was one of your fellow patrons helping themselves while you were playing with a cat or maybe it was one of the cats. Who's to say? You quickly realize this place is not on the up and up; you have to do something about it.

Chase down one of the cats, confront your fellow patrons, or maybe try to shake down the owner for information. The latter won't get you very far, but maybe it'll make you feel better about losing your cash to a cute scam.

5. HELP WANTED - TAMAMO TERRITORY

CW: potentially NSFW, optional aphro

If you find yourself in the red light district, you might find yourself pulled into something else entirely. A scout in front of one of the numerous clubs drags you in off the street, assuming you're from the Tamamo Clan. It doesn't matter if you are or not, the scout is not listening to your protests. They say something about staffing shortages as you're shoved into the employee area of the club. The club manager then pushes some clothes at you and tells you to get out onto the floor once you're dressed. It might be a host club, it might be a bikini or banana bar, or maybe something even more salacious – whatever it is, you're working there for the night.

There are also barkers aggressively recruiting clients for these clubs, promising a good time for anyone who wants it. Whether it be the company of a pretty host or hostess, the lurid appeal of a strip show, or perhaps even other pleasures of the flesh: there's plenty to tempt even the most resistant.

Work at a club for the night or partake in the pleasures. Drinks flow like water, some with a little something extra to help things along. Everything is transactional here. As you have the money, you're bound to find something that tickles your fancy.

Welcome to the test drive meme!

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Reserves are open until March 5th.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

... certainly not.

[ He looks... pained by this image, glaring at it as though it had personally insulted not only him but also his whole lineage.

At least the offense makes him a little bolder with trying to approach smartphone functionalities. He taps the search window again in the hopes that it will bring back the little keyboard and lo and behold! It does. One thing learned.

public decency.

A moment of waiting. Nothing. And then, as a small lightbulb seems to go off in his head, another tap. Enter.

... those sure are some infographics that involve a lot of clothing for appendages not commonly found in human beings. Huh. ]

This does not appear to be made for human use. [ He eyes Nia's ears as he says so. ]

( technology isn't new to her, but she can't say this particular device is something commonplace, back on alrest. touch screens, sure, and giant robots, but smartphones? very strange. still, she seems to enjoy the different colors and images that pop up on the screen, ears flicking up in interest as she watches him type another query.

public decency... not something she'd personally ever bother to search up?! )

Oh! Do they have any ear-armor? ( there's some wrappings for your tentacles, and extensive sleeves for long arms, but what about cat ear protection?

she reaches towards the screen again, claws tapping against it obnoxiously, but instead of retyping his query, she just ends up messing it up to public indecency instead. what they see next... truly outdoes any human expectations...

... or maybe not. youkai indecency seems to be strange. an exposed tentacle doesn't mean much to her, nor is it particularly scandalous, but then she scrolls down further and there's someone humanoid and — )

Uwaah!! ( she jumps away, startled by the sight. ) These kinds of things are on there, too?!

...?!

[ There is a second where it seems like van Zieks is about to drop the phone as though he had been burned by it like a vampire by a cross. Only at the last second he remembers that technological devices tend to be a) fragile and b) expensive and tightens his grip instead. ]

Almighty in heaven! Never do this again, girl.

[ This is... He is a Victorian age adult virgin and he cannot, for the life of him, comprehend just what he is looking at here. But he knows he doesn't like it. He turns the screen to Nia instead, unwilling to have this in his sight for a second longer. ]

Remove the pictures.

I didn't do it on purpose!!

( before he thinks she's some kind of a pervert!

... that aside, he seems even more scandalized than she is, which in turn makes her less scandalized and more amused. watching a grown man react like he's allergic to naked people is, admittedly, funny enough to forget all about her blunder — she laughs, instead, peering at the screen again.

that sure is a naked yokai. they have like, four arms and five — )

Huh? Me? Uh... ( is he sure? well... alright, she can try. reaching over to the phone, she taps the first button she sees — which makes it play a strange sound. is someone slapping someone else? very weird. ) It says... "xxx-app downloaded." I guess that wasn't it...

( taps more. how many viruses can she download in the timespan of 5 minutes? )

[ Van Zieks already thinks she is some kind of pervert, to be fair. Look at all that exposed skin! How could he not?!

But there is something a lot more distressing happening here than her state of (un)dress - just what is anybody thinking manufacturing such machines of salacious application?

Speaking of application, van Zieks has no concept of what an 'app' is nor a 'download', so the description of what is happening does not alarm him as much as it should...

It is only the amount of time it takes for Nia to tap and tap and tap again that is starting to convince him that this is a very bad idea. With an abrupt movement he pulls the phone back, not yet daring to glance at the screen. ]

It seems your confidence in being able to assist with such things was thoroughly misplaced. Have you ever held a device such as this within your own hands before?

( hello? these clothes are very easy to move around in. van zieks should try it sometime!!

right now, she's just an equivalent of a cat you let play fruit ninja on your ipad, tapping and clawing at the screen without a care. she's seeing some weird stuff, but it's fine, because the phone says it's downloading, so she assumes that means it's removing the pictures off the internet to instead store them in van zieks' phone.

imagine her surprise, then, when he just takes the phone away... )

Huh? I've seen a touch screen before! ( she insists, huffing, as if offended by his accusation. ) Not... exactly on a device like this, but... ( just what is the difference between a smartphone and a robot launchpad?

basically the same thing, if you ask her. )

And anyway, it's gone off your screen now! ( and instead made to be the wallpaper, probably. )

[ Van Zieks eyes the screen and though it is not as immediately offensive now as it was a moment ago, there are a number of new colorful little symbols and... yeah, he's just. Not going to deal with those right now, this was mortifying enough as is. The phone wanders into his pocket and he puts his gloves back on as he gathers his composure. ]

I do hope you aren't expecting any gratitude. It would not have been displayed so brazenly without your 'assistance' in the first place.

[ He knows how googling works now, but at what cost?! ]

What, pray tell, are the uses of the devices you are familiar with?

[ If they helped her pick that outfit, he's beginning to see a pattern here :| ]

( uh oh, looks like he's Not Happy with the pictures on his phone... well, too bad!! he better get used to them, or find someone more tech savvy to remove them...

or he can hand his phone back to nia, and hope that she accidentally fixes the problem! )

Hey, hey, I helped a little! I told you the trick to the screen, right?! So thank me! ( of course she expects gratitude, what do you mean?

his question makes her pause for a moment, seemingly thoughtful. the technology back in alrest... )

Well... it's mostly military stuff, honestly. Giant robots who can destroy the world, and the like. Nothing this tiny. ( this outfit is very comfortable to fight in, thank you!! )

[ Nia is never laying a single claw on this phone again, thank you very much!! And that is the only thanks she is going to get, too, because he's sure ignoring that request for it entirely. ]

... giant...?

[ Okay, you know what, do not explain this to him right now. He might not survive it. ]

Are you a soldier?

[ He sounds so skeptical. ]

( rude!! )

Yeah, like... five times the size of you. ( and he is pretty tall — at least compared to her — so!! she's not even going to mention the ones that are like, hundred times his size, because he might have a stroke.

that said... )

Huh? A soldier?! Do I look like one to you? Gross. ( SCOFF. she has no fondness for military, having been thrown in a cell more than once. ) I am a warrior, but I'm no soldier!

[ He might have a stroke alright, he's not even sure he understands what a robot is either!! So good that they're moving this conversation forward. ]

... No. You do not appear like one in stature, attire or demeanor - rest assured of that much.

[ Nor does she strike him as a warrior, but he's not going to make her angrier for now. ]

We have neglected the etiquette of introductions long enough. My name is Barok van Zieks, I'm a London prosecutor. You are called...?

[ Please let him know where to direct future complaints. ]

... are you saying I couldn't be a soldier if I wanted to?

( is she just picking things to get fake-mad about now... yes. but also, she is absolutely a warrior, and if she wanted to join an army, they'd be glad to have her!!

crossing her arms over her chest, she sizes him up. a prosecutor... so like, someone doing some law-stuff, right? that's her best guess — she doesn't much care for the judical system... clearly. )

I'm Nia. I'm from Gormott. ( no idea where london is, but... ) Doubt you've ever heard of it, though. Seems like everyone here is from some weird place I've never known existed!

[ Van Zieks glances to her ears in what is probably the 8th time in this conversation and lets out a slow sigh. ]

It is indeed utterly unfamiliar to me. Just as much as this town itself is - though it bears resemblance to a distant country that I have been told much about.

[ And resented even more, so that's great! Just peachy! ]

Beings like yourself should not exist either in my homeland nor across the ocean, however.

( what is it... do you want to pet them... )

Huuh... well, at least you've got a point of reference, then. ( the closest to japan they have in xenoblade is a country that existed 500 years ago... so nothing she's seen or even knows much about.

still, it's exciting — being able to explore something new. that, and annoying, because the smells and the noises are overwhelming. )

Beings like me... oh! ( catgirls? no, that's not what she thinks of first. ) How'd you know I'm not a person?! Sixth sense?!

[ With incredulously raised eyebrows: ] Call it the ability to evaluate evidence. It comes with a career in the judiciary.

[ The evidence being her ears, of course. He thinks this is patently obvious. Really, van Zieks thinks being British is the default of the world any anybody who isn't is 'foreign' by default. He's not going to make the jump to "'human' is not the standard for everybody" easily if at all.... ]

What, pray tell, is your nature then?

Spoken like a true... jury man, or whatever it is!

( she's amazed at his observational skills!! she also has no idea what all the complicated law-related words mean, so she just says whatever comes to mind first. back home, trials weren't fair and they weren't pleasant; mostly just military stuff, if the emperor didn't make a decision beforehand.

he does look like someone who'd side with the military, she thinks... but he's not dressed like that... more like a grandpa who loves twilight if anything... )

I'm — ( wait. she shouldn't just tell people that she's not a person all willy-nilly, right...? ) Gormotti. Back where I come from, everyone has ears like me!

[ Being a jury member is an unqualified job given at random to members of the public, please do not insult him so! He'd probably correct that right now if he wasn't more invested in figuring out what is up with humanoid non-humans. ]

So that would imply that a skull structure such as mine is entirely unfamiliar to you?

Oh, not really. Plenty of humans around, too, just not in my area.

( she nods, proud of herself for Knowing Something for once. )

Although I have to agree that your ears are weird... all... round and fleshy and stuff. No fur on 'em, either...

That's because they're human ears.

[ WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE HUMANS; THIS IS CLEARLY A CONTRADICTION. HE OBJECTS. ]

( HUMANS ARE EVERYWHERE!! YOU KNOW HOW THEY JUST BUTT IN! )

Yeah, but aren't mine cuter? Yours are just... fleshy. ( what's appealing in that? nothing... )

[ ... why are you making him think about this.

No, really, why.

He's actually thinking about this now... ]

If any part of my appearance were quantifiable as 'cute' it would just disturb all of my associates.

Hmmm... I dunno! Your gothic aesthetic is rather cute to me.

( she smiles, nodding decisively. )

[ ................................. ]

I am usually told that I am unapproachable and, in some instances, 'terrifying'.

Whaaat? Really?! You're plenty cute to me!

( is she messing around... yes but also no? humans are cute, in their own way... so young and innocent!! )

[ Van Zieks' face goes through a number of absolutely incongruent micro emotions. Is he pained by this? Relieved? Just plain puzzled? Yes. ]

... I will keep your assessment in mind.

[ He has a young relative whom he'd very much like to get along with, so this is... actually really good news to him, ok. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

February 2022 Test Drive

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